Huh?

My mother received this timer. Made in China.
We had such a good laugh over it that I just have to share it.

On the front, it says it is an Illustrative Stopwatch that "Only Need One Button Cell". You can see the words Pi Pi Pi Pi written by it. I guess it makes that sound when the timer goes off. "Cooking? Take me with you!" I think it means you can clip this on your shirt and if you are outside while your cookies are cooking, it will let you know when the cookies are done. Only problem is, who can really understand how to use this thing??

Here are the operating instructions from the back just as they have it typed (errors in spelling included):
One, production use
This production can enactment noon break time, study time, hair dressing time, stew wime, sun edition time....and so on.
Two, production function
This production is be read disply maximum countdown capacity of 99 minutes 59 seconds.
Three, use means
1. Press M button to set desired minutes.
2. Press S button to set desired seconds
3. Press START/STOP button once to start timer.
4. press M to show the S key to return the zero to reset at the same time.
5. Beenactment time to countdown is "zero" second hour occurrence alert.
6. Press RESET button to stop alarm.
Four, bateries usr and barter
1. Replace battery when ever reading becomes dim & difficult to read.
2. usage button G13 type battery.
3. Open the battery door, and take out the old battery, and peg out the new batery plus or minus very put into, and press back, nome position the battery door.

HUH? I think the Chinese instructions on the left side were just as instructive as the "English" ones.