The funeral

Saturday arrived - the day to say "good-bye" for now to my mother.

My mother and father had written down ideas for their funeral.  We tried to follow their wishes as much as were able.

Mom wanted Doug and Jude to do music and they did several songs for the prelude.

My mother's favorite song was What a Friend we Have in Jesus.  I found this one on You-tube and it was a perfect intro to the funeral.  My Daddy sang along with it as it played.

This was my idea but I think Mom would have loved it.  Jill read her life story while we had a power point picture presentation that went along with the reading.  Someone asked if I would share that, so I will see about doing that on the blog.

Josh and Staci sang "Eternity"

Aunt Belva shared about Mom's contribution in missions in Japan (not my real aunt, but on the mission field, children call their parents' co-workers by "aunt" and "uncle" and it is a title that is hard to give up).  Here are Aunt Belva and Uncle Verney with the family.  The dorm in the background is where I lived during the week we were at school.  Our school was a 3 hour train ride away.  They were my dormparents during my 1st grade.

The congregation sang a song I hadn't heard before,

 but one my mother wanted sung.  

"In the bulb there is a flower"

                                 

                                                         

They also sang "The Lord Bless you and Keep you."  The Father's blessing.  My Dad continues to give us this blessing as he remembers.  He gave the children the blessing when they would babysit and put them to bed.  It is sweet to me!

Mindy read 1 Cor. 15:20-28, the scripture Mom chose

Our son-in-law gave a wonderful message!

Here he is with Mom just a couple of weeks earlier.

Can you believe it?  She was weak, 

but who would have guessed she would be gone so soon!?

We ended the funeral service with "God be with you till we meet again".

I had found another youtube piece in Japanese.

It was a video of a ship going out to sea.

My parents experienced several farewells on ships.

We did an unusual thing for the reception following the funeral.  We invited Joel and Kendal to bring their ice-cream machine.  They have a business called Sweet Ride Soft Serve.  They said it was the first time they had been asked to serve at a funeral.  But we just HAD TO!  Because Ice-cream was always Mom's FAVORITE food!!  Dad's too!  Mom's fridge might be empty, but she always had ice-cream in the freezer!

Often funerals are times you see relation that you haven't seen for some time. 

 Like a big family reunion, with a touch of sadness too.

One day at Braum's, I saw this guy in the picture below.  At first glance, I thought it was my brother!  Then I later found out he went to Mom's church!  Mom knew just who I was talking about.  I do believe we are related somehow.  I'm sure of it.

My brother on the left, Joe on the right.

As I was talking with Dave and his wife, Linda, this guy was standing by, and I could tell he wanted to talk to me.  As I turned to face him, my eyes grew so big!!  It was "Jimmy" - or Jim, as he is known now!  We grew up in Japan together.  Our parents were on the same mission field.  He lived in Tokyo though so we weren't classmates until highschool.  And now his mother is in the same facility as my parents.

I found this baby picture of us!

My mother is holding me - middle row, 1st baby from the left.

Aunt Vi is holding Jimmy, middle row, 2nd baby from the right.

After the reception, our family drove the one hour to Pretty Prairie.

Our home church cemetery.  Al's parents are buried there also.

In fact, I can see their tombstone over by the tree.

"Look at all the Grabers!"

I just loved this coffin that Mom picked out.  

We had actually gone earlier this past summer to do that.  Of course, we were thinking about my Dad, not Mom at the time.  But she picked this one out because it was simple and it would have been something like what her father would have built.  He enjoyed woodworking.

After a few words and the song "Amazing Grace" (which was playing at the time Mom died), they lowered the casket.  Dad and then each of us women and the children threw flowers on top.

All the guys, starting with my brother, threw a shovel of dirt on top.

A solemn prayer and farewell

Mom and I designed this stone earlier this summer.

I love how it turned out!

The ladies of the church lovingly prepared a light dinner for us.  They had had a large funeral earlier in the day  so it was sweet of them to stay and do this for us.

"I want dessert, Mommy!"

The viewing

On Friday evening, we had the viewing at the funeral home.  The viewing had been all afternoon and several had already come, but our family was there for only 1 1/2 hours.  Dad wouldn't last much longer than that.

Dad and I went in first.  I wrapped my arms around him and we wept.

"She's just so beautiful" he said.

Ok, I know some people might find it offensive to show someone who has passed away.  I think maybe especially the younger generation.  It is something that my mother's family does.  We always have taken photos of the one who has died with the rest of the family.  But some people find it odd.

Mom remembered that when her grandmother died, they brought her body to the living room of the home for the viewing.  Al remembers that they did that with his grandfather too.

Did you know that in the Victorian era, people would pose the dead person with the rest of the family?  The last child in this picture below is dead, but was placed in the picture.  Read about it in this article.  You will find strange pictures.

Many friends and family came by to offer condolences.

There were many beautiful flowers!

These 2 were from the church in Japan and from special friends from there too.

And this one was from my Bible study group.

The flowers matched the spray on the casket!

He is so faithful!

It has been 3 weeks already since we buried Mom.  I need to get caught up on blogging.  With her death and with Christmas, with cleaning out Mom's duplex, my hours have been quite full!

* * * * * * * * *

Jill helped me prepare the duplex for my uncles who were coming from Ohio for their sister's funeral. I went to Wichita to pick them up.  They had come on 2 different flights with a couple of hours between them.  

                                    

When Uncle Mahlon got off the plane, I gave in to the tears.  He reminded me of Mom so much! Here's a picture of Uncle Wally and Uncle Mahlon with my mother.  You can tell they are siblings!

 We just held on to eachother as we went to the car.  What a comfort he was to me!  And what a trooper!  He agreed to help me do some Christmas shopping in the city while we waited for Uncle Wally and Aunt Wanda's flight to come in. I really didn't want to even think about Christmas, but knew that it wouldn't do not to celebrate Christ's birth with the children.

You would think that Christmas is a terribly bad time to be having a funeral.  And in a way, yes. There is so much to do for Christmas preparation, and it did simplify my plans for that holiday this year for sure.  But we saw God's guidance and His going before us each step of the way!  We could not argue His timing.  I can only trust in His goodness.

As Mom lay in her bed getting weaker, she said, 

"God is so faithful.  He's just so faithful!"

Before our trip to California, I took Mom over to sign her up for assisted living and the lady in charge was not available at that time.  But we knew there was a waiting list.  We ran into the guy in charge of health care and he told us that they happened to have 2 rooms open, one now, and one the next day or two.  If we wanted, we could move mom there until a room in assisted became available.  That way, I could feel better about going to California with her having 24/7 care.  First off, rarely are there any rooms available on the day you want to move in.  There is usually a waiting list!  The fact that we ran into Blair and that a room was there (3 others had looked at it and decided not to take it), that was God walking before us.

                                                 

The fact that Adam's sister Stacy was here visiting was another God thing.  It allowed Jill to spend lots of time with Grandma that last week.  She was a comfort to mom and to me too.  My daughter Mindy also came often and was with Mom and calling me about her.  My brother came down too.   Blessings.

In California, while Al was in meetings, I took along pictures and worked on Mom's story and a power point presention for the upcoming "someday we'll have a funeral" but thinking it might be a year still.   I just hadn't had time to work on it at home, but here was uninterrupted time to do it.  I had no idea it would be used in a little over a week's time! 

                                   

I also worked on our Christmas letter and addressed Christmas cards.  There would not have been anytime for that if we had not made this trip!  And my mother insisted I not cancel this trip and she told me to enjoy myself.  She told the girls, "Tell your mother not to hurry back."  I would have had I known.

And the fact that both Josh and Mindy happened to come visit 

on the day Mom died.  

We had no idea she would go that day.  

But God blessed our family with that special time.

Yes, Mom, God is so faithful,  He's just so very faithful!

After picking up Uncle Wally's, we drove to Mom's duplex.  We wheeled Dad over from health care.  Mom's neighbor had made soup in a crock pot and placed it there, all ready for our dinner that night.  It was delicious!!!  We all wanted her recipe, so I am passing it on:

Midwest Chowder
1 1/2 - 2 cups diced potatoes
2 cups sliced carrots
1 cup sliced celery
1/4 cups diced onion
2 cups water
Cook vegetables in water.

1/4 cup flour
2 cups milk
8 oz. Velveeta (or 2 cups shredded cheese)
1 can corn (or frozen)
some sausage, ground beef or chicken
Add milk and flour, stirring occasionally.  Add cheese - do not let it boil.  Add cooked meat.  Cook in a slow cooker if you want.  It takes less watching or stirring.

Wouldn't this be good in a bread bowl?

 


While I was gone to Wichita, Marilyn and all the ladies from my Bible study had brought food and more food and more food to the house.  Allen was home to receive it all.

Pies, casseroles, soups, rolls, crackers and cheese.

Over this entire week (and more) I did not have to cook once!!  What a blessing all that food was for our family!  The last thing I wanted to have to think about was what to cook for the clan during this time!  We were overwhelmed with the kindness!

You can tell what fun my mom's brothers are.  We laughed and laughed!

What a blessing!

What a faithful God and faithful friends and family!

The day

Dec. 15 - the day Mom died

The 15th of December is the day Al and I got engaged.  1974.  

Now we will remember it for another reason too.

I had spent the night with Mom.  They would regularly come in to give her medicine or to change her position.  And Mom would always say "Thank you."

Dad came to the room shortly after his breakfast.

 I would at times go over to kiss Mom or to speak to her.  "Dad, would you like to give Mom a kiss?"  The nurse said "We can make it happen!"  They helped lift him up and bend over.  It was so sweet.  I'm disappointed that the picture didn't turn out.

Jill called me and told me that Josh was on his way!  

 Mindy decided not to take an evening shift and came too.

 It was a precious time for our family.  Mindy made a run for us - Applebees.

 Cute pose, Min.  Then Jill made a silly face too.  We needed some laughter.

Mom's friends came throughout the day to say goodbye.  Others came just to visit, not knowing how serious the situation had become.  Mom's pastors came, along with the chaplain, a good friend.  Most of the day, Mom was not conscious any more.  But we had signals that she could tell who might be there or what was being said.

We sang.  We prayed.  We laughed. We cried.

We were supposed to go to a Christmas party that evening, but of course we didn't.

Dad was holding Mom's hand and all of a sudden, he looked up.

"Oh, that's beautiful" he said.  

He told us that Mom had just squeezed his hand.

I would tell stories about Mom.  

Like the time when she was a young girl and she and her sister (or friend, can't recall) came across some boys who were skinny dipping.  They stole the boys' clothes and hid them!

My mother was full of pranks all throughout her life.

That evening just after 9, with all of us by her side, she breathed her last.

But as Dwight L. Moody once said, "Don't let anyone tell you I am dead.  I will be more alive than ever!"  I know you are Mom!  I wonder if they allow pranks in heaven?